Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
