you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's always time for handjobs
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
