i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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