she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
