Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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