Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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