Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i am craving dick and cupcakes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
