i permit you to call me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
