He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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