I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
