I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
