Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
