my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
