I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
