Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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