I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
