He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Alive.
So much puke
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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