my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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