yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
