just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
