if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
