Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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