you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
