Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
