before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
