Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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