You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
