i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
