hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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