Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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