Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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