what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
