just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
