I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
