the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
