I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
