I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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