i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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