I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
