the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
