The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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