i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This house was built for laser tag.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
