Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
