I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
