went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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