there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
