brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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