he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
