Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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