I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i barfeds in our rink
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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