I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
