hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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