I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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