How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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