I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
