I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
