At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
