Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
